It’s not all sex drugs and rock and roll 

When I tell people what I do , some of them are under the impression I sit about in a basque and stockings and talk erotica all day!! Wrong !!

clip-art-telephone-023289

Ring, Ring

“Hello , who am I speaking too?”

” hewo, I want girly for fucky ”

” oh dear no, I’m sorry this a phone sex chat line”

” so we have fucky?”

” lol ah , yes of course, for a minute I thought you meant”

“So I come you for fucky?”

“Ah, so you did mean that then! No, your not understanding , this is phone sex , just on the phone ”

” I see, I see !”

Hooray at last I’m getting through to him

” so you come my house then and we have fucky?”

” what? Look mate, for the last time, I talk about it I don’t do it, now fuck off ”

Click

Then Albert came along, bless him, this tested my patience somewhat

Ring Ring

” hello, who am I speaking too?”

“Hello, hello, hello, anyone there?”

” Hello, yes it’s Sofia, who is it?”

“Hello, can you speak up , I’ve lost my hearing aid”

“HELLO, I’M SOFIA, WHO AM I SPEAKING TOO?”

“Hello, it’s Albert dear. Can you fix my telly control ?”

“WHAT?  ALBERT, THIS IS A SEX CHAT LINE”

“What dear, my cat? What’s it got to do with my cat?”

Give me strength !! “OK WHO ARE YOU WITH ALBERT?”

“Pardon dear?”

“ARE YOU WITH VIRGIN?”

“What dear? Your a virgin?”

“NO ALBERT, I SAID, ARE YOU WITH VIRGIN OR SKY?”

“Oh, I’m with sky,”  hooray we’re getting somewhere,

“YOU NEED TO RING THEM ALBERT”

“Can I have the number dear?”

“ALBERT, THIS IS A, OH NEVER MIND. HANG ON ALBERT, I’LL GET IT ”

Some calls are quite short and annoying

Ring Ring

“Hello, who am I speaking to?”

“Is that Alice?”

“No. It’s Sofia”

“Can I speak to Alice please?”

“There’s no Alice here”

“When will she be back?”

“Alice doesn’t live here ” (anymore, lol get it? Sorry,)

“Oh , has she moved?”

“Look, I don’t know who Alice is but this is a phone sex line”

“Is it,? I didn’t know Alice did that ”

” For god sake , she probably doesn’t, I’ve told you , she doesn’t live here”

” oh ok . Sorry, no chance you could give her a message then?”

AGHhh   Alice, Alice, who the fuck is Alice ?

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